


Matah

by Tarvok



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Character Death, Character Study, Grief/Mourning, M/M, POV Bones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-25
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2018-01-20 18:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1520798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarvok/pseuds/Tarvok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be a routine mission, but a rogue element in Nigel VI's sun suddenly made it unstable. Jim was planetside and had gotten left behind during a brief transporter error. The Enterprise crew tried in vain to find his signature before the nearby sun erupted and the planet was destroyed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Matah

**Author's Note:**

> I took the title from a version of "matoy," which I found means "to die" in Vulcan. The title is meant to mean "death."
> 
> This can be any version of the crew that you like.
> 
> I will warn you, I cried while writing this. I doubt there will be a dry eye in the house, folks.

Matah

By Tarvok

Rated G. M/M. Major Character Death. Character Study. POV McCoy.

 

 

I watch from my spot on the bridge, gripping the safety rail so tightly my knuckles pop, when it happens. When we see the sun of the Nigel system erupt and wipe out the planet Jim is on and the two next to it. I think briefly, _There's no way he didn't make it out. This is Jim, right?_

But then I hear it before I see it. Spock screaming, his hands pressed to the sides of his head like someone's given him the shock of his life. I see the rest of the bridge crew turn to watch him, tears freely flowing, fallen down to his knees. I know then there's no point in asking Scott if he got the transporter to work at the last second. Like we were all praying for. Sometimes prayer doesn't get answered.

“Sulu, get us out of here!” I shout. Spock's the Acting Captain now, but I'm the damned Chief Medical Officer. He's in no shape to Captain anything. I quickly make my way over to him and have to stop Uhura from touching him. “Don't! His bond with Jim's just been shattered. Sulu! Change course to the nearest Vulcan colony. Now!”

I don't notice either of Sulu's responses, or if he even gave any. I don't even hear what anyone else is saying around me. My eyes are on Spock, collapsed on the floor of the bridge behind the Captain's chair, rocking back and forth saying something in Vulcan that I'd be damned to understand. _“Matah...matah...,”_ over and over and over again under his breath, like some weird mantra.

My eyes meet with Uhura's across his shoulders. She's crying, and I notice belatedly that so am I. _Jim's gone._ This time it's for good, and he's left a broken, sobbing Vulcan in his place. None of my training has prepared me for this. I didn't even know he and Spock were... but it _doesn't matter now._

“Two days to T'Khes III, Doctor, at maximum warp.” I can barely hear Sulu over the buzzing in my ears. Uhura responds.

“Good.” She turns to me. “Think we can get him to Medbay?”

I remember nodding, and grabbing at his left arm while she took his right. I can't remember much else beyond his renewed anguish once we get him in the turbolift.

 

~o0o~

 

I come to on a biobed somewhere. My first thoughts are of Spock.

Uhura's by his bedside, but he's still in his healing trance from last night. I let out a gust of breath.

“Is he gonna be okay, Leonard?”

“Hell if I know. Would you?”

She shakes her head and starts to quietly cry again. I just fall into the nearest chair and feel numb. I did my crying once I got Spock calm enough to get himself into the trance.

I let out a sigh and think it's time to get something strong to drink, when Spock's vitals suddenly go off the charts. A nurse, Kingsley, rushes in to get everything under control, and I can't even get out of the damned chair. I'm struck dumb as he seizes. My hands feel three sizes too big, and my legs are jelly. She's shouting at me to _do something,_ but I take one look at Uhura and I _know._

I put my hand on Kingsley's arm and pull her away.

“His bondmate just died. Let him be.” My own voice sounds like it's coming from a far away place. A place I don't think I'll ever be again. _Reality_. The nurse starts to pull away, but I hold onto her even tighter. She lets out a gasp and starts sobbing into her hands as Spock's vitals calm to a complete stop.

There's a smile on my face, but I don't know how it got there.

 

~o0o~

 

The next thing I know, I'm standing before the Admiralty explaining why I let the best damned First Officer in the 'Fleet die and getting off on a charge of mental instability and an order to attend _grief counseling._

I barely remember even walking outside, but somehow I end up there anyway. Standing under the stars. I have to blink a few times to even see them. _Jim loved the stars,_ I think. I hated them. I absolutely hated space. Still do. Always will, now. After a while, I hear soft footsteps approaching me from behind, so I turn.

Then I'm giving my best approximation of the _ta'al_ to Ambassador Sarek as I break down and blubber an apology through all the snot on my face and the tears on my sleeve.

I don't deserve the hand he places on my shoulder, or the quiet, “I understand.”

I don't deserve it at all.


End file.
